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Winning Negotiation Tactics

What are your winning negotiation tactics? Do they always work out the way you want them to?

If you’d like to improve your success rate, You’re going to enjoy today’s guest. She’s Andrea Beach, a certified hypnotherapist who’s often featured as a change agent and a force of nature in the business world.

What You’ll Discover About Winning Negotiation Tactics:

* Why reframing the encounter from you versus them to us versus the problem is a winning negotiation tactic

* How being curious and mindful of body language are winning negotiation tactics

* How to side-step defensiveness in negotiations

* Two biggest mistakes people make when negotiating

* Why winning negotiation tactics are part art and science

* AND much more

Guest: Andrea Beach

 Andrea Beach is the founder and CEO of both Axess Network and Beachfront Custom Development. A leading authority on technology and consumer behavior, Ms. Beach has advised Fortune 500 companies, mentored a variety of startups, and created engaging activations for some of the world’s largest brands.

Her track record includes inventing the first global platform capable of programming and sending personalized mobile communications in 147 languages, consulting on cybersecurity issues, and implementing one of the world’s first examples of dynamic, location-based text messaging.

Ms. Beach currently serves on the board of directors for the Small Business Council of the Consumer Technology Association (CTA). As a media commentator and keynote speaker, she covers the future of consumer engagement through technology.

Related Resources:

If you liked this interview, you might also enjoy our other Communication episodes.

Contact Andrea and connect with her on LinkedIn, Facebook, Instagram.

Also visit her business website, Beach Front Custom Development.

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Winning Negotiation Tactics to Help You Succeed In Every Situation

Hanna: What are your winning negotiation tactics? Do they always work out the way you want them to? If you’d like to improve your success rate, stay tuned. You’re going to enjoy today’s guest. She’s Andrea Beach, a certified hypnotherapist who’s often featured as a change agent and a force of nature in the business world.

Announcer: This is Business Confidential Now with Hanna Hasl-Kelchner, helping you see business issues hiding in plain view that matter to your bottom line.

Hanna: Welcome to Business Confidential Now, the podcast for smart executives, managers and entrepreneurs looking to improve business performance and their bottom line. I’m your host, Hanna Hasl-Kelchner, and I have a fascinating guest for you today. She’s Andrea Beach.

Andrea has an impressive history of being ahead of the curve on technology and trends that drive consumer behavior. She’s the founder and chief executive of several companies, ranging from custom software and mobile app development to healthcare. Besides being a certified hypnotherapist, Andrea has also spent decades studying the world’s leading authorities in business leadership and communication and is now focusing on helping others by sharing the strategies, methods and proven tips that really work.

I’m excited to learn more about winning negotiation strategies and tactics, so let’s have her join us now. Welcome to Business Confidential Now, Andrea.

Andrea: Thank you so much for having me. I’m thrilled to be here.

Hanna: I feel like negotiating is one of those topics we just can never learn enough about, and I’m very interested in hearing your thoughts about winning negotiation tactics. When the parties don’t know each other very well but something important is on the line, they tend to be guarded, not wanting to show their hand too soon. What winning negotiating tactics do you have to help the other side open up?

Andrea: Well, it’s important to realize that we’re all in at least three to five negotiations every single day, whether it’s in a business boardroom or as simple as talking with your children or your husband, and the better set of skills you have for assessing that situation and then navigating the conversation to get to a successful outcome for both sides, the smoother life will be for everyone.

So, the first piece of advice I would give is instead of approaching that person or that situation as an – you versus them or us versus them type of scenario, I would encourage you to think of it as a you and them versus the problem. That way you’ll be more mindful of a solution that satisfies all parties involved, and it creates a win-win that everybody walks away from feeling at least satisfied, if not happy.

Hanna: Okay, but maybe they’re not being totally forthcoming about what it is that they want or what they’re thinking. I don’t want to call it a hidden agenda that has kind of a nefarious sound to it, but they’re just not opening up to you.

Andrea: Sure.

Hanna: How do you kind of break that logjam open a little bit and be able to get to that win-win of us instead of you versus them?

Andrea: That’s a great question. I would encourage questions and the types of questions that come with a tone of curiosity. So, instead of asking a direct and pointed question, saying something like, “Why did you do that?” or “What is that for?” I would say, “And what makes you say that?” or “And why might that be important?” or “What is it about that that would mean all the difference to you?” Questions like that that actually not only evoke an answer but also the emotion behind the answer and pay attention.

Watch their facial expressions and watch their body language, and then listen, truly listen to what it is that they have to say. And if they haven’t fully revealed, you say maybe their hidden agenda or something that they might be a little nervous or trepidatious to share openly, I would continue to kind of peel the layers back of that onion and say, “Interesting. Tell me more about that,” and just keep doing that until they give you something to latch on to that you can then either explain a reason why maybe you can help or ask for further clarification about that particular piece.

Hanna: That sounds powerful, especially the continuing to ask questions and be curious. And you made a really valid point there before about the tone that’s being used, that can make a huge difference.

Andrea: It makes all the difference. When somebody feels defensive, they will lock up even more. So, the softer and the more inquisitive you can sound with almost that childlike wonder or you think about a puppy with the big eyes and a little tilt to their head the more you can have that type of energy when you’re speaking with someone in order to get them to soften and open up the better, and that allows you to get away with a few things that you wouldn’t normally be able to get away with as well.

For example, if you ask them a question and they just give you a really short answer, you know there’s a lot more behind it that they’re not willing to unpack yet, you can literally mirror back what they said. So, an example is they say, “We just feel it’s the right thing to do,” and you know there’s so much more, but you don’t know exactly how to get them to say it.

You can tilt your head and say, “More. You feel it’s the right thing to do.” I mean, you could say it so childlike that they feel compelled to explain themselves more, either because they truly don’t think you understand or because they haven’t fully answered your question and they feel uncomfortable enough to do it.

Hanna: So, is tone the biggest mistake you see people make in negotiating or is there something more?

Andrea: Tone is a huge one, but I would say equal mistake is when people are constantly waiting for the other person to stop talking so they can get their next point across. They’re so in their head about what they want out of the deal or the negotiation that they’re trying to form their words or frame their argument that they’re not truly listening.

I would actually say speak last, if you can. That’s another big piece of advice, is in any negotiation, be the last to speak. Ask every possible question. Exhaust everyone that you need to get involved. Be the very last person to speak. So, it’s about listening as much as it is about tone.

Hanna: And information gathering. I would imagine if you’re truly listening to the other people around you, you can learn a lot.

Andrea: It’s more too about the reasons why the information is important. So, often, people will tell you the what and the how, but they don’t necessarily explain the why or what the stakes are on their side, either for doing something or for not doing something which can be equally as powerful.

So, really uncovering the stakes and more or less the rationale behind what it is that they’re asking for sometimes gives you even more wiggle room because you realize you can still give them something that satisfies their need, even without it being the thing they’re asking for. You might be able to actually come to a better solution once you understand the reasons behind their ask.

Hanna: That’s a great point, especially if what they really want, the why, is something you don’t really care about, that makes it easy to give, but – so, sometimes conversations, they get heated, and especially if people are interrupting because they disagree with a point as opposed to just listening and trying to understand, they try to argue. And when things do get kind of cranked up, what winning negotiation tactics do you have for helping to get things back on track?

Andrea: Yeah, that’s a great one. So, this one is a little bit hard to do. It takes a little practice. But if you can do it, it’s a secret weapon. And all it is, is silence. So, if somebody starts to get a little amped and a little heated, and they’ll start talking, usually faster and louder, you get softer and quieter. And when somebody really gets raved up about something, you can be very still and very quiet and just sit in silence for a second, which will confuse them.

And you look at them not with a glare or any kind of defensive look on your face. You look at them expectantly, like that’s not all, like you’re waiting for them to explain or say more. And this is where you might do a little tilt of your head or raise your eyebrows. And this will confuse their subconscious mind because they think they just threw a dart at you and they’re waiting for you to return serve. And so, when you sit there silently, they get so confused that they will usually ramble. This is where the money is. This is where they’ll start to really explain why they just said what they said.

Hanna: What if they get so angry that they get physical or storm out of a room?

Andrea: Well, now you have a whole other situation. [Laughter] Maybe you should call security or deal with it. But if somebody truly gets that upset, this is when you take a step way back and either physically or you lean way back in your chair and make yourself small, tilt your head down. This is where you become like a puppy or a child, and you tilt your head down and you look up at them with an air of, “I don’t understand. I’m confused.”

It’s the look on your face as opposed to disdain or indignation or some other kind of returning threat, and get very still and very quiet. And when you do this – this is used in hostage negotiation. This is used in high stakes business negotiation all the time where you got a lot of alphas in the room and a lot of heat going on. The person that can be very still and make themselves very small for a moment actually amplifies the other person’s aggression to the point where they will often feel embarrassed, and then they’ll take a step back.

Hanna: Interesting. I’m curious about the research that has gone into your learning about negotiation tactics. As you were diving into this, what things surprised you the most as you were learning about this?

Andrea: Well, early days, I thought it was more about who could outmaneuver the other person, be quicker-witted, have more of the facts on their fact sheet. I really thought it was more about the ammunition in their gun, so to speak, and what I ended up realizing, what it was more about the nuance, and people say, “Is negotiation – is it an art or is it a science?” Well, it’s actually both.

And if you think about performing any type of act or activity, if you can do it with an elegance and with a grace and with an ease about it, it actually makes everything go smoother. It’s less robotic, and that is absolutely the case in negotiation. And it’s not just about having all of your facts and being better prepared or what have you. It’s about delivery. It’s about not rushing through. It’s about the nuance of truly listening and trying to kind of match their tone and energy in a way that they feel really, truly seen, really understood, and at least validated.

The more you can validate the other side and say, “Wow. That just makes all the sense in the world. I totally understand why you would say that,” or “I can absolutely see that. Yeah, that makes sense,” then they start to relax because they don’t feel like they’re on guard against you. They feel like you understand their side and now you’re scooting around, whether physically or emotionally and intellectually, to their side of the table. And that’s when you actually collaborate. It feels like a collaboration and not so much a negotiation.

Hanna: It sounds, from what I’m hearing between the lines, that there’s a lot of emotional regulation that needs to happen. And that may not always be the easiest, when somebody is determined to win or determined to get what they want out of a deal.

Andrea: Yeah, that’s true. The person with the higher EQ and control over their own emotional state and also physical state usually wins in a negotiation.

Hanna: Interesting point. You mentioned something earlier about how initially you thought it was about having the facts, having the best ammunition and about some kind of manipulation. Well, what if somebody is trying to manipulate you? There’s a distrust there. So, even if they do say the right things to come around to your side, so to speak, with understanding, you still don’t quite believe them. How do you break that logjam?

Andrea: Well, you’d have to ask yourself, first of all, “Even if they’re manipulating me, is this still a win for me? Even if I don’t trust them, if they’re willing to give me what I need or want, is it still a good deal? Am I going to move forward with it?” The answer could be yes. And especially in business, if it’s something that your company needs or that you want to gain an advantage and you say, “Note to self, I’m not going to trust this person, but we’re still going to get that delivery that we needed on time.” So, that’s one thing.

But if you’re in a situation to where you know in your gut that you feel like they’re manipulating you, they’re deceiving you somehow in all of this, and you really don’t know how you’re going to get out of it, but you still really need them to either deliver whatever it is that you’re asking for or there is a high stakes effort involved, this is when I would encourage you to do a perspective shift. So, the way you do that is you’re forcing them through a particular set of skills to look through your eyes, and you get very soft again, and the fastest way to do this is after they make, let’s say, an unreasonable request.

Andrea: They tell you that they’ve got to have something for 30% less than you’re willing to give it for and it’s got to be in two weeks, and you know that’s not even possible. But you’re trying to be careful. You don’t want to blow the situation up. I would pause for a long time, longer than anybody feels comfortable because nobody likes that pause, that silence.

And then I would follow it with a really soft, curious tone phrase that says something like, “John, how am I supposed to do that?” Not, again, with indignation, but what you’re doing is very softly saying, “How? How? How can I do that for you?” And you’re not saying, “Well, how can I do that for you?” Because that sounds like you’re trying to be defensive. Instead, you’re forcing John to think through your eyes and sit in your chair and your role for a minute.

And if you say it with imploring eyes and a tone like you’re really asking, you’re looking for an answer with no sarcasm, it forces him to think through your perspective with empathy. And often, he might soften up at that point, and then you start to collaborate again.

Hanna: Well, what if John says, “I don’t care. That’s your problem. Just do it?”

Andrea: Well, then I might say, “Well, that is not possible,” or, “What it is that you’re asking is not going to be able to happen because of,” or whatever it is, “So help me get what you want. Let’s figure out how we can solve this together in a way that I can get my boss to approve,” or, “That we can get the vendor to supply,” or whatever it is. So, that’s another more forced way to do it where you say, “Well, I’m up against this wall and gosh, I wish there wasn’t a wall there, John, but there is, so let’s work together to figure out how we still get you what you want. Okay?”

And he really can’t combat the wall anymore because you took that off the table. Now you’re trying to find other more creative solutions. You’ve forced him into that situation.

Hanna: Great. And you’ve forced him into helping you find the solution, which then he’ll have to accept because he’s part of the solution. So, yeah, this has been – this has been really great. Thank you for that, Andrea. I’m wondering. For the people who are not as skilled in negotiating, and we all have our strengths and our weaknesses and maybe our hot button gets pushed easily.

Are there some ways that you could recommend they could practice where the stakes aren’t high, where they could help build these skills and this muscle to listen better, to be quiet, to monitor their tone? What do you suggest?

Andrea: Yeah, that’s actually – a brilliant idea is to start with low stakes. Start with the barista at your favorite coffee shop or start with your local cable guy when you’re trying to get extra channels or whatever it is and employ some of these tactics that we’ve talked about and doing the long pauses, the tone of curiosity, the softness, using silence, not only to gather more information but to diffuse a hot partner.

And I would also be very careful when you’re dealing with, say, children or a husband or somebody that you know well while you’re practicing these skills. Beware of tit for tat. And what I mean by that is if somebody gives you something, like let’s say you’re at the barista, for example, and they say, “Here, I gave you an extra sugar.” Well, now you kind of owe them. And so, be careful of tit for tat because now they have the leverage.

So, what I would recommend is always give something first. So, if you’re wanting something from your wife or something from your children, give them something first. Low stakes. And now they feel obligated to give emotionally in return and that’ll actually give you the leverage back. It may not be equally weighted, but it’s a little trick that you can use as you’re trying this out on low stakes environments.

Hanna: Excellent. Just to wrap up here, though, I’m just curious about the research that you’ve done, the experiences that you’ve had with negotiating tactics and winning negotiating tactics in particular, not just any old negotiating tactics, and what you’ve shared with us has really been powerful and great, but I’m curious about what you think the most important takeaway is for people that are listening because maybe they can’t do it all or they’re like, “I’m never going to be – I get angry and I want my way” and whatever.

Or there are others who are just like, “Yeah, I’m very quiet and I get walked on.” What do you want them to take away that’s most important about negotiating if they need to start somewhere to improve their situation?

Andrea: More than having a particular set of skills or one or two tactics that you whip out of your arsenal, those can all be practiced and learned and expanded on over time. More important than that, though, is the overarching way you approach any negotiation, high stakes, low stakes with people you know or total strangers. If you go into it armed with facts and knowledge and information, not only about what you would like out of the deal and why, consider all the reasons why you want that because maybe you can be flexible, but then do as much homework as you can on the other side.

So, that’s number one, is be prepared as much as you possibly can be.

And then the second thing is more that overarching tone of seeking to understand and the air of curiosity and getting softer and quieter than you’re ever used to being, so it disarms the other person and gives them a level of comfort. And then the third is the more you can validate them and their reasons and their emotions and their feelings, that allows them to feel like you’re a partner with them and not an adversary. You don’t have to have a set of skills. You just use your gut intuition.

So, be prepared and then do whatever you can to empathize with them and actually work with them in a collaborative spirit, and then the tactics and tools can come down the road.

Hanna: Thank you, Andrea. This has been great. Yeah, I understand you’ve launched a new venture called, “Life Unleashed.” Tell me about that.

Andrea: Yeah, thanks for bringing it up. So, after years of growing businesses and being so focused there, I had neglected some of my health and some of my personal relationships and my love life. And so, I took all of my behavioral skills and decided to learn and really expand the success, I say with air quotes, into all the other areas of my life. And when I was able to do that consistently, I kept getting asked, “Well, how did you do that? How did you get there? How do you have such a great life? How are you so balanced?” was the word I kept getting.

And so, I decided to create, “Life Unleashed.” And it’s essentially an online academy, if you will, with cheat sheets and kind of the best strategies. And if you think of it like a greatest hits that gets you from where you are now to where you want to be, whether it’s financial independence, or business success, or your love life, or what have you, and it gets you there faster and with less bumps in the road than it took me. And now we just launched, “LoveLifeBreakthrough.com,” which also is about how to level up your love life. So, you should check that out as well.

Hanna: Andrea, those sound like wonderful programs, negotiating your lifestyle, if you will. So, if you’re listening and you’d like to know more about winning negotiating tactics, “Life Unleashed,” and Andrea Beach’s other work, that information, as well as a transcript of this interview, can be found in the show notes at BusinessConfidentialRadio.com.

Thank you for listening. Be sure to tell your friends about the show and leave a positive review. We’ll be back next week with another information packed episode of Business Confidential Now. So, until then, have a great day and an even better tomorrow.

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